Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I lost the right to judge tonight
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
