hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
