there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
