Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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