Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
