you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
