Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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