Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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