she was so not down for the gang bang
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
