Please, let me fuck your mom
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
