i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
