Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
