is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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