what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
