at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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