there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
