Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
