I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
