don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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