if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
