you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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