Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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