i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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