No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
