ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
