I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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