I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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