you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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