I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
