so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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