just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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