someone threw a dead crab at me
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
