For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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