I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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