On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
