So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
