So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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