Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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