Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
