If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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