i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
