she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
