clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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