He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
