I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
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Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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