you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
