Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize