I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I deserve this hangover.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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