My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
