playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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