I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Umm I'm too high to move.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Everclear isn't food dammit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
