Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
