i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
