Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
how does that bad decision feel?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
