I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
