u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
