Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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