the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
