i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
