If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
