Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
