it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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