so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
