i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Randomize
