It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
